When Did it Happen?

As summer comes to an end, I find myself in a more reflective mood than usual. Eek! I can’t seem to recall the defining moment that I became a card-carrying, tax paying, contributing member of grown up society. Seems like just yesterday when my only concern was where to find chalk to draw a hopscotch board, how fast I could fly down mini-bike hill or not having a care about what I ate. Gone are the days of mama hollering to turn off those lights and take out the garbage, when the biggest responsibility was to make sure I was inside the minute the streetlights came on. These days it all registers as a minor blip on my radar while I worry about stocks, my 401(k) rollover, paying bills, collecting rent, mortgage payments, school funds, volunteering, accountability at work, home and in my social life, and on it goes. Yet I hunger for the days of yesterday. Is something wrong with that picture?

I now understand that there is confirmed truth to the words “Youth is wasted on the young”. Truer words have never been spoken. Yes, I think sometimes it is okay to embrace my inner child. Dancing in the rain—or like no one is watching, watergun shootouts with the kids, and playing tag in the park. But let’s face it, no one wants to see a grown woman hogging the swings, trying to squeeze her way down the slide or dashing to the ground to fight for the prize from the piñata. It’s official, I’m a grown up. It’s only taken me a few decades (ssh) to accept that.

I’m not against being young at heart, that keeps us spiritually youthful. I just long for the days when it was easy. Days when the mention of Bernie Madoff, Client #9 and AIG didn’t register. Enron and SEC? Not a care about those entities or the daily barrage of the all too familiar heart stopping headline grabbing scandal. Whatever, let’s go shopping! But that was then. Without effort I’ve become a full-fledged expert on finance, politics and healthcare reform. As an adult now, I see the true value in being a child. Not a care in the world. Where to park my money wouldn’t matter if my only income was still mama’s wallet. Oh the blissful youth!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-grown up. I just tend to look at the big picture and I feel inundated with left and right deception from the very people we count on to help guide us in securing our affairs. I’m left asking “What does this mean for my future?” Has the value system in our world suddenly changed so dramatically or am I just paying more attention because without my youthful innocence I know what’s really at stake? Did that expensive education actually pay off or am I just an adult because I have to be?

Whatever the answer, it wouldn’t matter. The big picture prevails. I will press on and forge ahead, accomplishing what my heart desires. I will put my shoes in the right place when I walk in, get online pay my bills, turn off the lights when I leave the room, honor my writing deadlines, hook up with my people, cook, clean, chill with my friends online, watch some reality TV (guilty pleasure du jour), a cartoon or two, play in my makeup and dance in my living room. No more mini-bike hill for me. Oh, and most important: be accountable at work – I have a family there, too, that relies on me. Grown up, right?

I guess when you clear away all the clutter, we’re all still children at heart. If we allow our moments to grow with us, is it possible that we may find the key to our happiness? I decided to give it a try. Be happy in the moments of today and not unhappy because I won’t allow myself to stop longing for yesterday’s moments. I’m not the same little girl from way back when. It’s all real now. Try with me. Let’s play. The world is our playground. The game’s called A Peaceful Life.